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APaleHorse
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PostPosted: November 11th, 2011, 1:56 am |
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Moononite |
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Joined: October 1st, 2011, 8:27 pm Posts: 209
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Chapter Four: ComprachicosThis is, by far, my favorite chapter so far. Egon is still a total butt to write, but it came together much nicer and the end still makes me grin because there's more to work with.
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Fritz
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PostPosted: November 12th, 2011, 9:20 am |
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Joined: July 26th, 2007, 5:15 pm Posts: 3708
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This has really been an interesting take on "Darkness At Noon"; a few things in the story actually changed, certainly (ie Janine going along on the first attempt to catch Achira) but more just the interesting change in perspective. The show as aired was basically from the EGBs point of view, which made a lot of sense as introducing and aquainting the viewers with the new characters was the whole point of the story. Your retelling the emphasis is on Egon and Janine's reactions to the whole thing. It's an interesting perspective. Small nitpick (I think it was in Part 3): If what was established about them in "Back In The Saddle" is being kept, Ray and Winston are a fair bit further than "two hours away" unless they're able to just about literally drop everything and fly to New York. Winston's flying a commuter airline in Montana, and Ray's working at a used car dealership in Colorado. They're really not all that much closer than Venkman is, all told. (Which I think speaks very well for Janine's determination to surprise Egon in "Back In The Saddle") If you're intentionally doing your own thing here, forget this entire paragraph. Anyway, enjoying the story. Looking forward to more when it's ready.
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APaleHorse
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PostPosted: November 12th, 2011, 9:28 am |
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Joined: October 1st, 2011, 8:27 pm Posts: 209
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Thank you. The perspective change ad other alterations are intentional; we know how the new kids on the block saw it already, retelling that would be sort of boring.
So that's where they are! When I was writing that I didn't quite know and didn't want to drop everything to watch the episode. That usually leads to me on Wikipedia two hours later looking up neuro-inhibitors for a throw away mention, and that's no good for anyone. Regardless, I will edit that bit and it will make a lot more sense.
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APaleHorse
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PostPosted: November 13th, 2011, 12:31 pm |
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Moononite |
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Joined: October 1st, 2011, 8:27 pm Posts: 209
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Thank you very much. <3
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APaleHorse
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PostPosted: November 15th, 2011, 1:49 am |
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Joined: October 1st, 2011, 8:27 pm Posts: 209
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New chapter, kind of a downer. This will be my last chapter for a while as I'm off to a convention and need to prepare for it. Chapter 5: Running Up That Hill
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APaleHorse
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PostPosted: November 16th, 2011, 1:09 am |
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You're welcome. <3 Thank you for reading.
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APaleHorse
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PostPosted: November 26th, 2011, 7:46 pm |
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Joined: October 1st, 2011, 8:27 pm Posts: 209
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Ugh. Egon, stop being a pain in the rear to write. Chapter 6: Winter in My Heart
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APaleHorse
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PostPosted: November 26th, 2011, 8:46 pm |
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Joined: October 1st, 2011, 8:27 pm Posts: 209
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Haha, thank you! This chapter was a thorn in my side to write, I completely scrapped a good chunk of it in frustration because it was too OOC. Egon is even hard to write when he's in mental breakdown town.
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ghostdiva
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PostPosted: December 15th, 2011, 3:38 pm |
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I'm still really lovin this! I think it's great. Can't wait to see the rest!
_________________ Peter: "Huh. Guess we're not welcome." Winston: "Not welcome, there's a first. We should all get nametags that say, 'Hello, I'm not welcome'. Or maybe Tshirts or mugs or something." --Ghostbusters the video game
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APaleHorse
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PostPosted: December 16th, 2011, 9:26 am |
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Why thank you I am still plugging away at it slowly, but I just recently got a new job and most days spend about 3 hours (conscious) at home, so that kinda puts a damper on things, haha!
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Fritz
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PostPosted: December 22nd, 2011, 7:56 pm |
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Still going just great. I can't stop gushing about how much more active and take-charge of the situation Janine is in this version, but then again, everybody knows I'm a huge fan of the character and probably would have written it closer to this if I'd been involved in EGB. (Though as some know I've said before, her introduction would have been different--she would have rushed it to hand Egon some paperwork he left at home "Before the Twins drew Venn diagrams all over it. )
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